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Pipe quotes - add more if you have them

Discussion in 'The Smoking Lounge' started by bdragon, May 23, 2013.

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  1. bdragon

    bdragon Member

    May 16, 2013
    I collect quotes (on many topics), to date I have about 60k worth. Not to many for pipes, but here is what I have so far:

    I believe that pipe smoking contributes to a somewhat calm and objective judgment in all human affairs.
    - Albert Einstein

    If you can't send money, send tobacco.
    - George Washington to the Continental Congress, 1776

    Pipe-smokers spend so much time cleaning, filling and fooling with their pipes, they don't have time to get into mischief.
    - Bill Vaughan

    [Tobacco] is the passion of honest men and he who lives without tobacco is not worthy of living.
    - Moliere (Jean Baptiste Poquelin)

    The believing we do something when we do nothing is the first illusion of tobacco.
    - Ralph Waldo Emerson

    'FOR THE first time, we have a study large enough and detailed enough to look at separate effects of alcohol and tobacco reliably. When we did this, we found that drinking, but not smoking, increases the risk of breast cancer.'
    - Professor Sir Richard Doll, co-author of a new study from Cancer Research UK, Sunday Mail, 13 November 2002.

    "For thy sake, tobacco, I would do anything but die."
    -Charles Lamb

    "(Tobacco is) a companion in solitude; it is a storehouse for reflection and gives time for the fumes of wrath to disperse."
    -Japanese author

    "Nothing serves life and soundness of body so well, nor is so necessary as the smoke of the royal plant, tobacco."
    -Dr. Cornelius Bontekoe, 1685

    "Man, the creature who knows he must die, who has dreams larger than his destiny, who is forever working a confidence trick on himself, needs an ally. Mine has been tobacco. "
    -John Boynton Priestley

    "Where there is idleness, weeds thrive; where there is diligence, tobacco flourishes."
    - Bulgarian proverb

    "When the blazing sun tortures the peasant, it is good to the tobacco."
    -Bosnian Proverb

    "As a golden necklace adorns a woman, so does the dizi (strings on which tobacco leaves are hung to dry) adorn her house."
    -Bulgarian proverb

    "Allah created woman to labor at stringing pastals (bundles of tobacco)."
    -Turkish proverb

    "When the pastals (bundles of tobacco) are ready, dancing begins."
    -Turkish proverb

    "Allah made tobacco grow to put a smile on the faces of men."
    -Turkish proverb

    "Diplomacy is entirely a question of the weed. I can always settle a quarrel if I know beforehand whether the plenipotentiary smokes Cavendish, Latakia, or Shag."
    -Lord Clarendon (English Foreign Secretary)

    "There can be no doubt that smoking nowadays is largely a miserable automatic business. People use tobacco without ever taking an intelligent interest in it. They do not experiment, compare, fit the tobacco to the occasion. A man should always be pleasantly conscious of the fact that he is smoking."
    -John Boynton Priestley

    "Nowhere in the world will such a brotherly feeling of confidence be experienced as amongst those who sit together smoking their pipes."
    - The Results and Merits of Tobacco, 1844, Doctor Barnstein

    "The fact is, squire, the moment a man takes to a pipe, he becomes a philosopher. It's the poor man's friend; it calms the mind, soothes the temper, and makes a man patient under difficulties. It has made more good men, good husbands, kind masters, indulgent fathers, than any other blessed thing on this universal earth."
    -"Sam Slick, the clockmaker"

    "A pipe is the fountain of contemplation, the source of pleasure, the companion of the wise; and the man who smokes, thinks like a philosopher and acts like a Samaritan."
    -Edward George Bulwer-Lytton, 1st Baron Lytton

    "Pipe smoking is the most protracted of all forms of tobacco consumption. it may explain why pipe smokers are generally regarded as patient men--and philosophers."
    -Jerome E. Brooks, from The Mighty Leaf, Tobacco Through the Centuries

    "There is no composing draught like the draught through the tube of a pipe."
    -Captain Frederick Marryat

    "A pipe is to the troubled soul what caresses of a mother are for her suffering child."
    -Indian Proverb

    "Pipe: a primary masculine symbol with authoritarian overtones but also indicative of reliability and contentment."
    -The Dictionary of Visual Language, 1980

    "The pipe draws wisdom from the lips of the philosopher, and shuts up the mouth of the foolish; it generates a style of conversation, contemplative, thoughtful, benevolent, and unaffected..."
    -William Makepeace Thackeray, from The Social Pipe

    "I toiled after it, sir, as some men toil after virtue."
    -Charles Lamb, when asked how he became such a prodigious pipe smoker

    "I smoke a brown pipe like the breast of a little negress."
    -Francis Jammes

    "May my last breath be drawn through a pipe, and exhaled in a jest."
    -Charles Lamb

    "When all is said and done, love is trite compared with the spirituality of a tobacco pipe.
    -Jules deGancourt

    "When you pray with this pipe, you pray for everything in the universe, and everything in the universe prays with you."
    -Black Elk, Holy Man of the Oglalas

    "A Dutchman without a pipe is a national impossibility. If a Dutchman were deprived of his pipe and tobacco, he would not even enter Paradise with a glad heart."

    "Certain things are good for nothing until they have been kept for a long while; and some are good for nothing until they have been long kept and used. Of the first, wine is the the illustrious and immortal example. Of those which must be kept and used I will name three-- meerschaum pipes, violins, and poems. The meerschaum is but a poor affair until it has burned a thousand offerings to the cloud-compelling deities...The fire is lighted in its central shrine, and gradually the juices which the broad leaves of the Great Vegetable has sucked up from an acre and curdled into a dram are diffused through its thirsting pores."
    -Oliver W. Holmes, The Autocrat of the Breakfast Table

    "May be the truth is, that one pipe is wholesome, two pipes toothsome, three pipes noisome, four pipes fulsome, five pipes quarrelsome; and that's the some on't."
    -Charles Lamb, in a letter to Coleridge (1803)

    "I have some friends, some honest friends, and honest friends are few;
    My pipe of briar, my open fire, A book that's not too new."
    -Robert Service

    "Tobacco smoke is the one element in which, by our European manners, men can sit silent together without embarrassment, and where no man is bound to speak one word more than he has actually and veritably got to say. Nay, rather every man is admonished and enjoined by the laws of honor, and even of personal ease, to stop short of that point; and at all events to hold his peace and take to his pipe again the instant he has spoken his meaning, if he chance to have any."
    -Thomas Carlyle

    "It is not enough to fill a pipe and put it to the mouth and set fire to it, for even the country bumpkin knows as much. It is only correct to hold it with the left hand, have the right hand provided with the stopper, impress the onlookers with majestic mien, sit in the proper attitude on the chair, and finally, to take enough time for each pipe and not treat with hasty irreverence this heavenly food."
    -Peter Burmann on pipe etiquette, c. 1710

    "As the priest is characterized by his cassock, so the smoker by his pipe. The way in which he holds it, raises it to his lips, and knocks out the ashes, reveals his personality, habits, passions, and even his thoughts."
    -E. Th. A. Hoffmann

    "...pipe smoking is properly an intellectual exercise."
    -Christopher Morley, 1916

    "Smoke. Smoke. Smoke. Only a pipe distinguishes man from beast."
    -Honere Daumier

    "A pipe in the mouth makes it clear that there has been no mistake--you are undoubtedly a man."
    -A. A. Milne

    "The pipe marks the point at which the orangutan ends and man begins."
    -Ben Jonson

    "You have proved it is a very moral habit."
    -Benjamin Disraeli to Colonel Webster after the latter complained that pipe smoking had prevented more illicit liaisons than fears of duels or divorce

    "The nicest thing about smoking is watching the bluish haze as it drifts away. Try it in the dark, and you'll notice the difference."
    -Jussuf, noted friend of Casanova to same

    "Smoking is a necessity for a person engaged in study--it stimulates the intellect and revives the spirit should lassitude set in."
    -Dr. Beintema, 1650

    "Don't get upset, drink plenty of coffee, and smoke."
    -Javier Pereira (allegedly 167 years old) on the secrets to longevity

    "...if I had not smoked I should have been dead ten years ago."
    -Francois Guizot (French historian), upon being asked how he lived so long despite his smoking.

    He held up a small pipe with a wide flattened bowl, and handed it to Gimli. 'Does this settle the score between us?' he said. 'Settle it!' cried Gimli. 'Most noble hobbit, it leaves me deep in your debt.'

    "All of them at once," said Bilbo. "And a very fine morning for a pipe of tobacco out of doors, into the bargain. If you have a pipe about you, sit down and have a bowl of mine! There's no hurry, we have all the day before us!" Then Bilbo sat down on a seat by his door, crossed his legs, and blew out a beautiful grey ring of smoke that sailed up into the air without breaking and floated away over The Hill. - The Hobbit
    CidCitrus, Jburr01369, Brice and 11 others like this.
  2. esteban

    esteban Active Member

    Feb 23, 2012
    Bury me with my pipes, boys......... (Esteban circa 2013)
    Doc Sixstring and WrightwoodJohn like this.
  3. Huby Springer

    Huby Springer Active Member

    Apr 22, 2013
    'Put that in your pipe and smoke it'
    Jimmy Bukowski and Smokey Tom like this.
  4. t-bear

    t-bear Well-Known Member

    Dec 21, 2009
    Wonderful collection! I have none to offer at the moment, so I'll just sit with my pipe and enjoy these.......:nwor:
    Ephraim likes this.
  5. ruffinogold

    ruffinogold Vaperburlataro ! Mayor

    Sep 25, 2009
    " If you don't get off my freaking lawn , I'm gonna stick this pipe up yer .... " Doug , daily .
    Jburr01369, Super K, Brice and 5 others like this.
  6. JoeSmall

    JoeSmall Member

    Apr 1, 2013
    And this, the ultimate Mark Twain quote!
    “The Moral Statistician.”
    Originally published in Sketches, Old and New, 1893

    I don’t want any of your statistics; I took your whole batch and lit my pipe with it.
    I hate your kind of people. You are always ciphering out how much a man’s health is injured, and how much his intellect is impaired, and how many pitiful dollars and cents he wastes in the course of ninety-two years’ indulgence in the fatal practice of smoking; and in the equally fatal practice of drinking coffee; and in playing billiards occasionally; and in taking a glass of wine at dinner, etc. etc. And you are always figuring out how many women have been burned to death because of the dangerous fashion of wearing expansive hoops, etc. etc. You never see more than one side of the question.
    You are blind to the fact that most old men in America smoke and drink coffee, although, according to your theory, they ought to have died young; and that hearty old Englishmen drink wine and survive it, and portly old Dutchmen both drink and smoke freely, and yet grow older and fatter all the time. And you never try to find out how much solid comfort, relaxation, and enjoyment a man derives from smoking in the course of a lifetime (which is worth ten times the money he would save by letting it alone), nor the appalling aggregate of happiness lost in a lifetime by your kind of people from not smoking. Of course you can save money by denying yourself all those little vicious enjoyments for fifty years; but then what can you do with it? What use can you put it to? Money can’t save your infinitesimal soul. All the use that money can be put to is to purchase comfort and enjoyment in this life; therefore, as you are an enemy to comfort and enjoyment where is the use of accumulating cash?
    It won’t do for you to say that you can use it to better purpose in furnishing a good table, and in charities, and in supporting tract societies, because you know yourself that you people who have no petty vices are never known to give away a cent, and that you stint yourselves so in the matter of food that you are always feeble and hungry. And you never dare to laugh in the daytime for fear some poor wretch, seeing you in a good humor, will try to borrow a dollar of you; and in church you are always down on your knees, with your ears buried in the cushion, when the contribution-box comes around; and you never give the revenue officers a full statement of your income.
    Now you know all these things yourself, don’t you? Very well, then, what is the use of your stringing out your miserable lives to a lean and withered old age? What is the use of your saving money that is so utterly worthless to you? In a word, why don’t you go off somewhere and die, and not be always trying to seduce people into becoming as ornery and unlovable as you are yourselves, by your villainous “moral statistics”?
    Now, I don’t approve of dissipation, and I don’t indulge in it either; but I haven’t a particle of confidence in a man who has no redeeming petty vices. And so I don’t want to hear from you any more. I think you are the very same man who read me a long lecture last week about the degrading vice of smoking cigars, and then came back, in my absence, with your reprehensible fire-proof gloves on, and carried off my beautiful parlor stove.
  7. Coda

    Coda Well-Known Member

    Mar 22, 2012
    I think Sir Walter Raleigh's last words were something about his pipes...
  8. Smokey Tom

    Smokey Tom Active Member

    Nov 8, 2012
    I was going to contribute, but I think bdragon posted them all! :eek:
    Ephraim and AussieTX like this.
  9. AussieTX

    AussieTX Active Member

    Jul 27, 2012
    dang, I was going to add one or two but after seeing how large bdragon's list is I feel useless.
    Smokey Tom likes this.
  10. Pipe Matt

    Pipe Matt Member

    Jan 17, 2013
    A couple from one of my favourite authors:

    “The best way to read is with book in lap, pen in hand, and pipe in teeth.” - C. S. Lewis (Can anyone verify where this is from? It was quoted in a book I read but without a reference).

    “I believe that many who find that 'nothing happens' when they sit down, or kneel down, to a book of devotion, would find that the heart sings unbidden while they are working their way through a tough bit of theology with a pipe in their teeth and a pencil in their hand.” - C. S. Lewis

  11. Stormy

    Stormy Resident Rain Maker

    Mar 4, 2012
    "Is that a pipe in your pocket or are you just glad to see me"??
    Brice and surlysoul like this.
  12. Arkie

    Arkie Active Member

    Apr 1, 2011
    A pipe gives an intelligent man something to fiddle with as a means of gaining time to formulate an answer. It gives a fool something to stick in his mouth.
    Brice and hippiebrian like this.
  13. MakDragon

    MakDragon Well-Known Member

    Jan 26, 2011
    I became a Christian because they find no contradiction between a pipe a pint and a cross

    - G.K. Chesterton
  14. SthrnMan

    SthrnMan Member

    Mar 15, 2013
    See sig below:
  15. Mington

    Mington Well-Known Member

    Oct 15, 2010
    "Smoke 'em if ya got 'em"????
    Brice and colorduke like this.
  16. bdragon

    bdragon Member

    May 16, 2013
    Man does not live by bread alone, you need a little toast. :bing:

    Thanks for the additions that you have added so far. I find the older I get, the more I care for my pipes, tobacco, tea, and the simpler things in life. I do not own a TV, in fact I own very little (as I have given away most of what I have); it is the simple pleasures that mean the most to me.

    Always good to find others who enjoy the same things.

    If anyone runs Unix or Linux for a desktop, I have a program that will give you a random quote or by topic that I wrote. I give away all my code so ask and I will email it to you.

    bd - He who teaches never ceases to learn.
    Ephraim likes this.
  17. SteveH

    SteveH Active Member

    Apr 10, 2012
    Ode to Tobacco

    Thou, who when fears attack
    Bidst them avaunt, and Black
    Care, at the horseman's back
    Perching, unseatest;
    Sweet, when the morn is grey;
    Sweet, when they've cleared away
    Lunch; and at close of day
    Possibly sweetest:

    I have a liking old
    For thee, though manifold
    Stories, I know, are told
    Not to thy credit;
    How one (or two at most)
    Drops make a cat a ghost, -
    Useless, except to roast -
    Doctors have said it:

    How they who use fusees
    All grow by slow degrees
    Brainless as chimpanzees,
    Meagre as lizards;
    Go mad, and beat their wives;
    Plunge (after shocking lives)
    Razors and carving-knives
    Into their gizzards.

    Confound such knavish tricks!
    Yet know I five or six
    Smokers who freely mix
    Still with their neighbours;
    Jones - (who, I'm glad to say,
    Asked leave of Mrs. J - )
    Daily absorbs a clay
    After his labours.

    Cats may have had their goose
    Cooked by tobacco-juice;
    Still, why deny its use
    Thoughtfully taken?
    We're not as tabbies are;
    Smith, take a fresh cigar!
    Jones, the tobacco jar!
    Here's to thee, Bacon!

    This was written by the Victorian composer of light verse, C.S.Calverley, for a plaque to be attached to the wall of Bacon's tobacconists in Cambridge. The plaque is still there, but Bacon's, sadly, is long gone. Last I heard, the building was occupied by a branch of 'The French Connection' boutiques. O tempora, o mores!

    User5642, hippiebrian and Ephraim like this.
  18. bdragon

    bdragon Member

    May 16, 2013
    Thank you anyway for this! It rocks!

    bd - Like I told my kids "There are things in life worth smoking"
    Ephraim likes this.
  19. SteveH

    SteveH Active Member

    Apr 10, 2012
    This one's a bit bigger, and just about readable:

  20. esteban

    esteban Active Member

    Feb 23, 2012
    thanx for sharing this.......very interesting.
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