Do you put a new pipe in your mouth before buying it?

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Mister Moo

Gone but not forgotten
Staff member
...only the clench and balance can be tested right? I'd assume that the draw would be blocked by the plastic itself, right?
This is true.

Be aware there are certain devil-may-care madmen among us who might be satisfied with the "will it run a pipecleaner" test and then the peek to see "how-low-and-center-is-the-airhole" test and then the "clench with a plastic cover" test who will THEN actually poke a hole in the plastic cover and execute the potentially lethal "how does it draw and will it whistle" test. Just a heads up.

Also, do you ever do any carpentry and put nails, tacks or screws in you mouth? If so, I have it on good authority that some people at the fastener factory routinely pee on the hardware before it's packaged.

name"whaleheadking" said:
... Of course, we wash our hands in the men's room in McDonald's and open the door by its grimy handle before we eat a sandwich without utensils.
Seriously. That makes me crazy. Smithfield BBQ's have a nice big sink in front of the ordering counter. This means you can have clean healthy hands for your healthy fried chicken... D'OH! ... assuming you didn't handle money after handwashing. Oops. See first paragraph re: farmers -
I don't go jambing things in my maw before bying them, I will heft it and see its balance, or I ask the bloke behind the counter, hoping that he is more skilled in the art than I.


Purveyor of Pipe Goods
To check the balance of a pipe, I'll pinch the bit between my index finger and thumb, and flail my arm around like a chicken with its head cut off...if the pipe bounces around, I know its no clencher.
Other than seeing if the pipe will pass a pipe-cleaner, I haven't figured out a good (sterile) way to check the draw.
I think that's a pretty good way to gauge. I mean, I don't know about the chicken part but :eek:hyeah:

Maybe I could make a mold of my teeth, cast them into porcelain dentures, and then put them between my fingers and test it out?

No. That's just weird.


I went in a small tobacco place a few weeks ago that gave free samples of whatever tobacco you wanted to try. Before putting your hand in the jar they insist on you using their sanitizing soap and brawny towel before doing so. No problem, works for me. Never, ever put a pipe in my mouth before buying it. Never even considered it until now.


When you're looking at new pipes, do you actually put the stem in your mouth to check the draw? What if the last guy to put that pipe in his mouth stopped at the B&M after he got his prescription filled for Herpes. Just wondering.

Be well.
Ol Brokedik.
As someone who worked as a tobacconist for over 10 years, My fellow coworkers & I hated it when people did that. It is not your pipe yet so don't put it in your mouth.

Do normal people do that with a coffee mug, silverware, and etc when you shop for those items? No

So my best advice is do not do it.

If you get a pipe with a draw problem take it to the shop where you purchased it from. If there a defect in the pipe I am sure the shop will refund your money or replace the pipe.
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