what would you do..

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Having now obtained what appears to be the full picture, that being the said abomination of a 'pipe' being gifted by a notorious cheapskate of no sentimental value - there appears to be one solution only....

....take it to the firing range and enjoy seeing it obliterated!!!! :D

^ THIS! Since this is clearly an unsmokeable pipe, "gifted" by a person with a track record..... Fire away! Maybe find some tannerite targets...

Coastal Bend

Get off my lawn...
Smoke it and keep it. It'l grow on you and years later, you will have a story to tell to your grandchildren of a person who gave you this pipe. It becomes part of your 'history'.
I would smoke it because someone has put thought into a gift like that.
Just because its ugly doesnt mean it wont be a good smoker.
Craig and Umfunix that is the way I felt and the advice I gave before I saw the pipe by following the Amazon link posted by the OP. It is a pipe not really suitable for smoking -- at least not tobacco. It is basically plastic with a metal bowl. I thought originally it might be "ugly" or cheap -- in the eye of the beholder, at least. But in reality it could be dangerous to smoke that pipe.


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This thread took a turn to the darkside. Can we not agree that the actual pipe in question is toxic and should be cleansed by large tires and fire and then get back to the beauty that was this thread when it was a hypothetical mid range but ugly pipe? I liked that thread a lot better.
I'd smoke it and keep smoking it till I fell in love with it. To be honest, I'd be so over the moon that someone from my family had bought me a pipe - given that my eldest brother was going to buy me a Peterson Standard System for my 40th birthday until he got an earbashing of my erstwhile father and our other brother (the middle one - why are they always the most trouble?) - I'd love it even if it looked like the heavily spotted backside of Satan himself.
Very interesting thread, Mark!

As I read through it, I too was in the “just smoke it” camp right up 'till the end. I guess I’d weigh the value of honoring the presumed thoughtfulness of the giver with the “cost” to me of having a few (likely) poor smokes + having to maintain the ruse. Now however, I think if I were you, I’d keep it (hey, at least the person knows you like pipe smoking), but instead of smoking it I’d repurpose it as a “Q-tip holder” (for pipe cleaning), tamper-holder, or something like these. When the cheapskate next sees it, you could sneak in a suggestion for a new gift idea in-line with his/her budget that you might actually appreciate --- such as more Q-tips/pipe cleaners (yeah, these are a back-hand slap), OR a tin of some tobacco you actually smoke (assuming s/he lives near a B&M).

Of course, the latter idea is actually the only one that won’t likely offend AND will also perhaps result in getting a person who won’t spend north of $9-10 to get you something you will genuinely like.


I would smoke it. My wife got her father a knife for Christmas. A good one. He simply asked for a knife so she got the best she could within our budget. As he opened it she asked what he thought. He replied "it's not what I had in mind but it will do". Of course she didn't take it well. She thought she did well and was proud of her gift. Granted he is an all around a**hole but today I saw the importance of knowing that it truly is the thought that counts. Today I saw in my wife's eyes the little girl wanting her father to say thank you and be proud, instead I saw the familiar look of sadness. Again he is an arse.
This is a great analogy. Be grateful for the thought that went into the gift. Don't be "that guy".
I ordered one of those pipes from ebay and it came in just right at the same that I joined this forum. Haojue pipes, they are called. First off the bowl is awful small. I wasn't sure if the bowl was metal or plastic. I held the pipe upside down to run my lighter in the bowl and it starts to smell like some kind of burning plastic or paint. It smells like when homeless dudes under bridges burn the plastic coating off of copper wire. I dosed it with water to cool it and tossed it into the trash can.


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I was in this position last Christmas. Wife spent some serious coin on a pipe that I did not like. It was well made from a respected pipe maker and she put a lot of love into buying it for me. I must be an ass, after holding it and looking at it, picking it up, setting it down, etc it just wasn't the pipe for me. It was too small, smaller than she anticipated (never one to be distracted by measurements) and I would never smoke the thing and enjoy it. So I returned it to the shop where it was bought, the owner traded it for a comparable Radice and a few other pipe items. This pipe I love, smoke often and am proud that my wife bought for me.

Before you all start groaning, it is just like the shirt that doesn't fit, and happens to be the wrong color and you like short sleeves vs. long. So you return it and get the one you do like. Problem solved.

My young sons bought me one of those crappy Chinese pipes. They were very proud of their purchase. I thanked them very much for the pipe. When they noticed some time later that I wasn't smoking it and upon asking why, I pointed out what makes a good pipe and what doesn't. They were convinced of its potential danger to health and threw it away for me!


I did this, this year. My sister bought me a soft wood pipe that looked ornamental, but had a metal lined bowl. I'm not sure if I was very diplomatic, which in hindsight is a shame as it is the first pipe related present I've received (apart from the pouch from my GF that I chose myself). Perhaps I'm the ass people say I am, but don't think I am.

That said, she is against smoking and the weather outside was crap so I couldn't smoke it anyway on Christmas day.
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